When we choose a person be our spouse or life partner, we are also choosing a set of problems to live with.
Over 65% of arguments that couples have can be unresolvable and will be the subject of fights over the entire course of the partnership or marriage.
Recently researchers at the University of Georgia and UCLA tracked 169 newlywed over four years. Every 6 months the couples returned to the lab to answer questions about their closeness and their arguments.
At the end of the study, couples reported that the big issues they disagreed about as newlyweds were the same issues they were getting upset about four years later.
The study concludes that choosing a long-term partner means choosing " a particular set of unresolvable problems."
If you and your partner feel like you keep arguing over the same issues argument over argument, you are clearly not alone.
The good news is that couples can learn to disagree effectively.
When you and your spouse or partner are fighting does it feel like your partner is constantly criticizing you and saying hurtful things?
Or, maybe it feels like your partner shuts down, goes quiet, or just won't talk to you about what's going on. You start to feel frustrated and angry.
In couples counseling, you can learn why your partner responds the way he does.
You can find out what she really needs to feel better.
Both of you can learn how to calm one another.
There are ways to handle disputes that make you both feel understood and heard. There are ways to find common ground and let each other know that despite the disagreement, you still love and care for one another.
All relationships involve disagreements, and some disagreements may never be resolved. But if you're ready to have those conversations in a way that leaves you feeling loved, then I hope you'll contact me to set up your first session.